Friday, February 11, 2011

Motherhood Isn't For Wimps

Did I ever tell you about the time that Lexi pooped on me? My brother (Cory) calls this a great birth control story. You're about to find out why. Lexi pooping on me is nothing new. This girl lives to poop (or even potty) on me. I am super fast with diapers and never had this issue with Natalie, but Lexi is faster. I'm used to it occasionally ending up on my hands, clothes, or whatever surface I'm changing her on. Nothing stimulates this girl to go like taking off her diaper. Here is where our little story beings:

Lexi was almost 3 weeks old, and we were on our way home from my parents. (This is actually earlier on the same day we hit the deer) We stopped at my dad's office to drop off his car, and I was ahead of Mike by a couple minutes because he was picking up our van from the shop. I took Lexi out of her seat to change her diaper, but didn't have a lot of options. Dad offered an exam room, but I declined, not wanting to pick up any extra germs there. I was going to use his office desk, but Lexi is our spitter and doesn't do well laying flat on her back. So I opted to prop my feet up on Dad's desk, and change her on my legs, thus keeping her head elevated so she wouldn't spit up.

I've got everything in place (fresh diaper already underneath her) so all I have to do is open, wipe, and cover her back up. Somehow between those 3 steps, I heard Lexi grunt, heard the squirting sound, and felt the spray...on my face!!!!! Oh. Dear. Sweet. Jesus. Dad turned around to look at me, and saw (what I had yet to look down and see) that my shirt was covered in mustard color baby poop. This is the first time in my life I witnessed my father panic and not know what to do. What he didn't see at this point, that it was all over my face too. I was dying of laughter and yet so grossed out.

Dad: What do you want me to do?!?!
Me: (yelling with my lips closed) Get a paper towel!!!!

Dad brings me the paper towel and is finally close enough to see:

Dad: Oh my gawd it's all over your face!
Me: (yelling with lips closed) I know!! GET IT OFF!!

Dad's wiping off my face and I'm instructing him to please wipe my lips. We are in hysterics now, laughing. Natalie is curious what has us making so much noise so she comes over and her reaction kills me.

Natalie: Monnie, what happened?
Me: Lexi pooped on me!!!
Natalie: Eww. (walks away)

Dad brought more and more wipes so I could clean my shirt, and I finally handed Lexi over so I could finish cleaning up in the bathroom.

Needless to say, I have never held her on my legs to change her diaper since then!

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