Thursday, June 18, 2009

Our fourth

Last week, Mike and I had another miscarriage. More than likely, it was a chemical pregnancy. (very early loss) Regardless, it will be at least another three months before we can try again. Every miscarriage is a cruel reminder that it will be at least another year before we could possibly have a baby in our arms.

I don't have the eloquent words to describe the anger, frustration, and hurt that we feel. I wish I didn't yearn for more children. I wish my body would stop failing myself and my husband. I wish I didn't have to see the pregnant women everywhere, or the mothers that treat their children terribly. I wish I didn't have to hear the insensitive comments over and over again. I wish my stupid neighbors would stop telling me that Natalie needs a sibling. I wish God would bless us with as many children as He wants. I wish I didn't feel that I'm paying a price for past sins...when I know good and well that Christ already ransomed me.

3 comments:

Erin and Roger Bell said...

Oh Sarah and Mike, how I feel your pain. Nothing helps, no words of encouragement to give, no "I know how you feel" is good enough. All I can say is I'm so so sorry. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. God has a plan. A great plan. :)

Anonymous said...

It is almost impossible not to feel that way about your past, but as you told me, God, our Father does not do that. He hurts when we hurt too and wants to see us through our troubled times, not make us "pay" in spite of what we have done. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that someday soon, you are both holding another very much anticipated baby in your arms, but I know it will seem like an eternity until then. Please, feel my arms around you.

Jenn

Tate Family said...

praying